How Can We Raise Centered-Set Kids?/ Brian Jeansonne

For about a year now, I have been wrestling with how to teach my boys - ages 6, 5, 4 & 2 - about Jesus, salvation, eternity, sin, resurrection and what it means to actually follow Jesus. At the same time, I wrestle with how we can do this on an even larger scale in the church.

Since I was a kid I have struggled with the idea that Jesus had to die because I did bad things. I started learning about Jesus and religion at a fairly young age and I remember walking down to the front of the church because I wanted Jesus to forgive me for my sins and come and live in my heart. I struggled understanding why Jesus had to die because of a few bad things I did, but I eventually concluded that I must be pretty evil for a 7 year old so someone had to die.

My initial upbringing was in a mainline stage 2 church. At a very young age I knew what was in and what was out. I knew who was in and who was out. And from a very early age, I became a rule follower.

Now, 27 years later, I have morphed much in my faith. I do believe that the rules are what often keep us bound from the freedom that Jesus offers and the rules are what help us stay so judgmental.

As I journey through raising 4 boys, I desire for them to experience life and jesus and faith in a way that is not bound by rules but is instead engaged by the spirit of God directing them and leading them.

Jesus' mission to this planet was not to come to simply die for humanity's sin (although this was part of it), but his mission was to come and crush and ultimately destroy evil. And the way to obliterate evil was to beat evil at its own game....take evil's best shot - death - and conquer it. And once death was conquered, this released an overarching plan of redemption, restoration, renewal and reconciliation.

This understanding makes Jesus much more powerful and actually makes the good news good. As I'm working through how to teach my boys about Jesus, I desire to teach them about the place that Jesus takes in my life and his desire to be the center of their own lives. I want them to understand that life with God is not about sin management, but it is about walking with God in a reconciled relationship.

The problem for me lies in this traditional teaching that Jesus died on the cross to forgive us for the bad things we might do. This reasoning seems anemic and completely rules based. This seems to teach my kids that the best Jesus can really do with all of the power in the universe is simply forgive them for bad things. So, now I am telling my kids that God killed his son Jesus because my son stole a cookie from his brother? And now Jesus forgives you, but you need to quit doing bad things - like stealing cookies or peeing on the side of the house. The real question is - who wants to follow a God who would kill his son because some 6 year old kid is stealing cookies from his brother? The good thing about this approach is that it will keep my boys in line for quite some time. I also think this is why many churches approach faith this way, because it is less messy and keeps people in line. As long as we train our kids in this stage 2, bounded set thinking though, I believe they will follow this God until they finally reach that place of independence as we did and go full on stage 3 on us. (Just like in our churches.)

So, now I am working a new way to explain Jesus and salvation; life and beauty; forgiveness and restoration; renovation and renewal to my boys.

It’s something like this....

Death sucks. Life is beautiful. When we do things that don't line up with God's goodness and love, it leads us away from beauty and life and God. Hurting ourselves and others is not cool. Doing good and loving others is really good. Not forgiving people is harmful. Forgiving people is freeing and loving. Jesus did die. But he died so that he could actually come back to life. And it's the coming back to life part that gives all of humanity the chance to live differently. When he came back to life he invited us to actually live really powerful and different lives, just like him (and superman and batman). He invites us to live lives in which we look to love Him, as well as love and forgive others; help others and work to make this earth more like heaven through blessing, making peace, living selflessly, extending mercy, creating beauty and on and on.

So, I know you stole that cookie from your brother, but perhaps there is a better way to approach this whole situation. Do you think your brother feels loved when you take his stash? No? Then perhaps the Jesus way is to learn how to love your brother and practice the life giving solution. The solution that encourages love and unity; that is full of beauty and preferring your brother. The solution that gives life. And this solution is doable when we allow Jesus to shape our hearts, minds and lives.

And here's the deal…if this doesn't work....I can always revert back to the straight up stage 2 method:

"Jesus died to forgive you for your sins. So, if you don't ask for forgiveness and stop stealing your brother’s cookies, you're probably going to go to hell. "

Is it possible for us to actually raise our children in a way that helps them more easily enter into a relationship with Christ that is not just about figuring out the boundaries?

How can we interpret the work of Christ in a way that is engaging to our kids and brings them into a life of participating with him?

How do we provide boundaries without making the boundaries the issues?

How might we actually pastor our churches in the same way?