An Examination of Conscience

About five years ago, one of my college roommates went on a Jesuit retreat and brought back an extra copy of this obscure little book called Hearts on Fire, Praying with Jesuits. It's a compilation of prayers written by Jesuits (past and present) that are "gleaned from the rich tradition of Jesuit reflection on the human hunger for God." At the time, I didn't think very much of it, but when I finally got around to opening the book, I discovered this book is worth it's weight in gold.

Hidden in this book is a short little exercise on the "examination of conscience" which I've found has greatly enhanced my prayer life. I'd like to say I do this every day (or even once a month) but often times I forget all about it. But whenever I feel far from God or discover my prayer life is dry (or non-existent), I remember this exercise and try it again. And without fail, I've found to be an invaluable resource.

Before I share it with you, I wanted to change the conversation of the blog for today and ask "What has helped you connect with God? Do you have any concrete exercises, tips, or advice that we might find helpful?"

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Examination of Conscience

"How do things stand between me and God? Where am I coming from, and where is my life in Christ growing?" I can answer such questions satisfactorily only if I take leisure to reflect. Here is a way of examining this deep and dynamic personal relationship.

• I take time to thank God for the good things that came into my day.  I review the many details of the day in no particular order.  For instance, I thank God for sunshine or rain, for getting a chair fixed, for a phone call from a friend, for feeling good all day long, for having the energy to get a job done late in the evening.  In this process, I may well come across some action that I did or some emotion or desire that I entertained for which I cannot thank God, since it was offensive or sinful.

• Having thanked God for all the day’s gifts as much as I can, I beg for this further gift: to see clearly and in hope how I am growing more fully alive to God in them and through them.

• I then examine carefully what my actions, omissions, thoughts, desires tell me about my relationship with God and with myself and others in God.  Sometimes, a single event stands out dramatically.  For instance: I lost my temper badly; I felt very great joy at a piece of news; I resisted making a decision someone asked me to make; I spent much too long a time on a simple task.

• Patiently I ask myself what my action or my attitude meant.  Did it embody the love of God, or fear or distrust?  Did it suggest that I have gotten overcommitted, and why would I get overcommitted?  Did it suggest that I do not approve of my life or the context in which I live?
• At other times, no event stands out, but I might find a pattern emerging in the day; for instance: all day long I felt anxious and worried; every time I saw a certain person, I wanted to have his or her attention; I got things done swiftly and easily; I erupted in anger over little things.  Patiently, I ask myself what a pattern means about my belief in God, and my trust of and love of God.

• At still other times, the climate of my life might emerge as clearly as the day’s weather.  For instance: I have grown very dissatisfied in my work; I am shaking off an old resentment at something my spouse did; I am deepening in my awareness of God’s loving gaze on me; I felt confident all day while asking God for something I want a lot.  Patiently again, I ask what this climate shows about me and God.

• Then, I take what I have learned to prayer, speaking to God and telling God whatever I need to say.  I let God surprise me with insight and console me with faith and hope.  I bring to God the larger needs that I feel right now: an old resentment that I seem unable to shake; an inveterate habit that I badly want to get rid of; a kind of mindless living through the day without thanking and praising my Creator.  I beg God to teach me and help me accept the teaching.

• Finally, I determine to keep my spirit filled with gratitude, and to take steps to get rid of mind-sets that stand between me and my Creator.  I set myself to change an attitude, shake off a fear, or grow in some special way.  And I offer this larger movement in my life to God my Creator.  I set my mind to accept any other change or shift in my person and myself that would come, were God to give me the larger gift I ask for.  God is the Master of my life and myself; I place my trust there, and not in myself.

-- Adapted from Joseph Tetlow, SJ

Ignatius of Loyola considered this kind of examination perhaps the most important single spiritual exercise we do.  His experience brought him to do it daily, and to urge all his friends to do the same.  This particular explanation of the examination has been adapted from Joseph Tetlow’s "Choosing Christ in the World."

Comments

[Brent]

Thanks for sharing, Dan. I have lately been trying the discipline of 'practicing the presence of Christ,' using Greg Boyd's recent book 'Present Perfect' (based on Brother Lawrence's book, as well as others'). It has been changing so much for me.

The core idea is: can we been consistently aware of God's presence in our lives every moment of our lives? And, can we be consistently aware that the only life we really have to give to God is the life we are living right now, at this moment?

Surprisingly, the answer is yes, though I'm nowhere near there yet (this is a discipline, after all). I have just been simply shocked at what an amazing change this has effected, influencing just about everything else about my connection to, well, everything.

I would not say it has helped me 'connect' with God so much as wake up to the reality that God is constantly present and near in everything we do.

[steven hamilton]

Dan - thanks for helping spur me on to re-embrace some ancient practices like the Examen.

[Jeff]

Lately, praying with no agenda has been really helpful. I'm pretty driven, and tend to approach prayer with a long list. And, on one hand, I'm all for prayer lists- I have one and pray for it regularly. But the other kind of prayer has helped a lot.

[Jeannie]

Dan,

This is great fodder. I am going to print it out and keep it with me so I have it as a reference (hopefully every day)!

[timmy_neutron]

I've taken up meditation more lately. Kinda like Jeff, I can get very driven about talking at God, so I try to (especially first thing in the morning) give myself time to be still and quiet in God's presence, and trusting that he knows what I want and what I need. Basically, "be still and know that I am God."

It's also interesting to look at other spiritual traditions to see how they go about connecting with God. What you put up there is very similar to things I've been reading about in Buddhism - about meditation, thankfulness, and constant mindfulness. Interesting stuff to explore.

[Vinceation]

It's not a substitute for chatting with God, but in the past I've written prayers in the Trinitarian style you find in Liturgical traditions that use the Book of Common Prayer. Those prayers are usually 3-5 sentences and make use of every adjective, noun, and verb to praise and invite the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit both individually and as one God.
I've gotten a lot out of it because it allows me to come to God the way I operate: as an internal processor. (I know more stream of consciousness praying is freeing for a lot of people, but it can be just the opposite for me sometimes.) Praying in this way has a crafting feel to it: I erase, change, and go back to parts of my prayer until I feel it expresses me full. I would never suggest the exercise to some because it could feel like cleaning your messy thoughts and expressions up before coming to God (not a good idea), but for me the process is a searching of heart and mind; and the honesty, joy, and challenge in that really helps me connect with God.

[Vinceation]

oh, and thanks so much for sharing an Examination of Conscience... this looks so helpful to me, and I'm looking forward to using it as I pray... actually, I'm going to use it right now! I love Saturdays!

[Kristina]

haha. You know what has repeatedly helped me connect with God? Stepping into the uncertain and trying something completely new and scary to the average bear. That will cause you to pray.

But what about normal days? The fact that I practice hygiene at all is my connection to God time. Good thing I have all this hair to dry!

[Eric L'Esperance]

I've been experimenting praying with written prayers using repetition as a way to center my heart. I find that praying a simple prayer, such as "The earth is the Lord's and everyone in it, the world and all it's inhabitants" or "Holy Spirit, living breath of God, renew me and the world around me" repeatedly has helped me enter into the reality of what that prayer is stating. Internally I find myself interacting with God through the prayer, bringing specific things to mind and heart as an interaction with the words I'm repeating. This is very much outside of my background, but I've found it very grounding and helpful. Like Vinceation, I think it's because I'm an internal processor. That makes a lot of sense to me.

[Theresa Musante]

I really love this idea! I'd love to hear more details about how this works for me. As an internal processor I've realized that sometimes the chatty style of approaching prayer can feel difficult to me. Written prayers can be great, but it might be even better to write my own. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Matěj Cepl]

Interesting that Ignatius Excercises were so helpful to you. I think there is something there. I completely agree. If I should call a book which helped me most (let's put Bible aside for a moment), than it would be slightly obscure but profound (and thin!) book “Discovering Your Personal Vocation: The Search for Meaning Through the Spiritual Exercises” by Herbert Alphonso.

I have read it in the exact time when it was obvious answer to many of my problems, so I am not sure whether it would be as helpful to everybody, but I am quite sure that whatever he is teaching in the book is sound and makes a lot of sense. Highly recommended!