Thinking in Stages/ Chip Decker

From Dave: Chip has fun further reflections on stage theory.  We've been on kind of a stage-theory binge recently, so I think we'll make this our last post on the topic for at least a little while.  But I'll look forward to hearing your thoughts!

My wife Laura and I were discussing stage theory the other day and she was expressing concern that stage theory itself may be too simplistic, and that it could also be employed to label and judge others.  "Wow, my friend Margaret is so stage 2!"  "Can you believe how stage 3 Frank is?"  These seemed like good concerns to me as I myself am no fan of simplistic thinking (or judging others for that matter). 

Finally she asked me directly: "Well what stage do you think you are primarily in?" 

Remembering how Peck says we usually have a hand or foot in each of the stages, that none of us are purely in only one, I began thinking about how this might play out within me in real life.  (Plus this line of thinking was a good stalling tactic to help avoid answering the question with the ever-humble "I'm obviously and squarely stage 4 all-the-way sweetheart.")  

So if we really do have different "stages" at work within us at any given time how does that play out in our actual daily lives?  Do we perhaps respond to different situations in ways that could be identified?  Is my thinking in regard to my work stage 2, my church stage 3, while my thinking toward my family is mostly stage 1? 

Or let's take for example any situation I am faced with during my day, perhaps something that elicits a response of some kind from me.  Here is a rough draft of different possible responses aligned with the possible stage they may be closely identified with:

• Stage 1 - I scheme to get my way with little thought or concern for others.  Perhaps I ignore a situation entirely if it doesn't really promise a potential payoff for me personally.
  
  
• Stage 2 - I react with simplistic thinking, with too much undeserved certainty.  Or maybe I parrot back what I've been taught with little thought as to whether this really fits the situation well.  I try to find the right box to force-fit the situation into.
  
  
• Stage 3 - I react with aversion, something protective in me is triggered and I take offense.  I don't offer any real thoughtful productive suggestions or solutions but rather I muckrake and pick apart the existing systems and structures.
  
  
• Stage 4 - I respond thoughtfully and prayerfully to the situation.  I get involved if led to get involved regardless of what may or may not be in it for me.  I become quickly aware of selfish, simplistic, or reactionary thoughts within me and when they arise I confess them and try to restrain them from damaging my ability to serve the situation healthfully.

We've applied stage theory recently to as broad a topic as entire centuries of human history, is it time we brought it back in to how it works out within each of us in our daily lives?

Comments

[Bruce]

Wow, that was good food for thought. I find the stages very complex. If you feel they are simple, easily grasped and nice boxes, You better rethink what stage your in....Lol.
I agree that we are all in and out of stages depending on how we feel, our circumstances and current issues going on in life. We likely gravitate to one stage as a baseline, but if we are in the right situation and some of our buttons are pushed we may instantly be back in stage 1 or 2. Appreciating the complexity of our spirituality and NOT boxing it in is the primary question we must ask ourselves. It can be as complex as this: Even if we start to label ourselves as "not the boxed in type", that becomes a label we box ourselves into. Hmmmmm...of course we won't see that and will need others to help us see it, if we are willing to listen to them...more food for thought

[Sandra]

Ha! The Homer Simpson cartoons are perfect and made me laugh! :) As far as how the stage theory works into our daily lives, I agree that it is possible and maybe even common for one person to be in several stages at once. For example, one of combinations I've seen more than once are people that are very Stage 4 in their work relationships or at church that are more comfortable as Stage 2 parents. It makes sense to me that we are growing at different rates in the many aspects of our lives. The combinations are endless!

[DB Beem]

Interesting exercise.

First inclination was it would be helpful to "put flesh" on what it truly means to live out Stage 4 faith in a practical, every day meat and potatoes kind of way.

As I thought about this further, reflected that while You might be able to classify my specific actions and behavior using stage theory, I am not sure if its really helpful for me to think of my actions as stage x, y or z.

In the end, as much as I would like to live stage 4, its not anything like a goal or aspiration of mine.

In the end I just want to follow Jesus. It's not as if I wake up in the morning and think to myself, "I really want to be more Stage 4 today."

When it comes to describing behavior, I think Stage Theory would be better at describing my journey and the direction of my life in general terms. For example, I find myself moving through Stage three to Stage four in my attitudes and perspective to faith. Conversely, I remember what it was like to live in Stage 2 and it totally burned me out.

[Pete]

very nicely stated Chip. I wish I was at "4" throughout most of my work days...

[Chip Decker]

That makes a lot of sense Sandra. I wonder if as parents, since one of our great priorities for our children is 'safety', it might be easiest to remain in stage 2 in regards to child-rearing, since I think its the stage that feels safest what with its nice clear boundaries and all. (And perhaps one could argue it is actually a stage well-suited for children up until a certain age.)

[Chip Decker]

Hi DB! I agree stage theory is more descriptive than prescriptive and so trying to follow Jesus is certainly a better life orientation than "trying to be stage 4". :)

And I also agree that stage theory is more typically associated with larger chunks of one's life than with individual daily thoughts and responses, so I am playing a bit fast-and-loose with my application there. But I honestly couldn't think of a better way of truly diagnosing my own spiritual journey in response to my wife's question without really considering what the symptoms might be of the various stages at work within me in the various situations and circumstances of my life. Does that make any sense?

Perhaps one might push back and suggest that it would be best to concern myself with whether my responses/thoughts/behaviors are Christ-like and not what possible stage they align with. I would not have a good response to that other than to agree but also suggest that possibly, like Vince suggested in his recent post, maybe stage 4 is the only stage where we're completely relying on God. And if that is true, than it is the only totally 'Christ-like' one.

[DB Beem]

Maybe, for us to get to the prescriptive, we have to move through the descriptive. We lay down the groundwork for a conversation that will hopefully allow us to make better choices and bring us closer to Jesus.

[etk]

VERY interesting and helpful. Especially liked the point about how we have the tendency to look at others and judge them by their "stage". Like people say, "we judge ourselves by our intentions, and others by their actions."

As I think about it, I think Sandra hit the nail on the head. I think there are actually varying situations or relationships that bring about the varying responses in me, based on my past experience. Not the ultimate "Christ like" goal, but true none the less...

I think that will help me ask myself, "Why do I act/react to this person/situation in a Stage ___ way?"

Blessings on the journey.

[etk]

But then again, I just now realize my whole desire to quantify where I am and put it in a certain box is "a bit stage two-ey" as Dave said in one of his MP3s online...